


Not Yet

by acclaimedwriter



Category: Casualty (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-12 21:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21483364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acclaimedwriter/pseuds/acclaimedwriter
Summary: Duffy comes to terms with her dementia diagnosis and wants to commit suicide. She’s about to until someone saves her. [Implied suicidal intention, not suitable for anyone under 14yrs old]
Relationships: Lisa "Duffy" Duffin/Charlie Fairhead
Kudos: 10





	Not Yet

She placed the pen down on the table, carefully folded up the piece of paper and placed it in the envelope. Satisfied that she’d done everything she’d needed too, Duffy put on her coat, grabbed her keys and left home. Her final stop was the hospital, where she left the envelope on Charlie’s desk, knowing by the time he found it, it would be too late. She’d already be gone. Buying a bottle of vodka, she drank about half the bottle, hoping it would give her Dutch courage for the act she was about to carry out. She’d said goodbye to her sons, to her mum and to her ex husband Andrew, leaving a fresh bunch of flowers on both their graves. Also, just to make things easier (in the hope there was a heaven) She’d cleared the air with Ryan, asking him to always look out for Paul but already knowing the answer. That Ryan considered Paul his son and Paul would always have Ryan in his life.

She was staying in a grotty hotel, not far from the sea. One night only, paid cash so she couldn’t be traced. She didn’t want to be found, she didn’t want someone to try and talk her out of this. In the past, she’d always assumed suicide to be the coward’s way out but it was right for her. She wasn’t going to wait for dementia to kill her, she wasn’t going to lose her ability to live because of some horrible, degenerative condition. She sat on the edge of the cliff, swigging from the vodka bottle again. She just needed enough courage to go over the edge. It wasn’t a spontaneous decision, it had been planned for weeks. She had nothing worth living for. Her marriage was broken, her sons were grown up and didn’t need her and she had dementia. For her, leaving the world behind when she had the capability, was her choice and nobody could talk her out of that.

She stayed sat on the edge for ages, watching the sun set for a final time. She mixed the remaining vodka with prescription painkillers that she’d saved from when she’d hurt her shoulder. Once the liquid in the bottle was gone, she placed the empty bottle beside her, placing her hands into her lap. Despite thinking she was at peace with the whole idea of killing herself, she found doubts creeping into her thoughts. She stood up and peered over the edge. She swallowed. It was a long way down. She hoped she’d be dead before she hit the sea, if the painkillers and vodka had anything to do with it. She edged closer to the side, closing her eyes tightly. 

This was it. This was goodbye.

“You dare take one step closer and I’ll follow you into the sea.”

She turned around. “How the hell did you know where I was?”

“Come away from the edge..”

She shook her head and looked down at the sea. She had to go. It was the only way she had any control, by throwing herself into the darkness. Before she had any time to react, someone’s arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her away from the edge.

“Get off me!!” She screamed and kicked, but his grip tightened around her waist. Satisfied that they were, for now out of danger, and away from the cliff edge, he began to gently release his grip.

“How the hell did you find me?!” She asked again and Charlie sighed. “I followed you from the hospital. I knew something was wrong and I was right.”

She shook her head and sat down on the ground. She closed her eyes, the mixture of vodka and painkillers beginning to take affect. Charlie noticed how she’d suddenly gone quiet and knelt down in front of her.

“Darling?”

Her eyes remained closed, her breathing changing.

“Shit! What’ve you taken?” He didn’t receive a response and Charlie began to panic.

“No! Duffy, no!!” He picked her up and carried her to the car.

“Lemme go.” She whispered, “I’ve.. dementia.”

“I don’t care!” He answered as he put her in the car and put her seatbelt on. “We’ll deal with that and when it’s time to go, I’ll help you! But not like this!”

He began to drive to the hospital. Duffy’s breathing was still slower than normal, she was replaying Charlie’s words in her head. He’d help her when it was time? She couldn’t ask him to do that, to risk his freedom and his career for her. At the hospital, she was given active charcoal to vomit, the charcoal working minutes later to make her sick. Charlie rubbed her back, tied her hair into a loose ponytail and whispered, “when it’s time to let you go, I will. But at the minute I’m not ready.”

“I’m dying…” she whispered before she retched and Charlie sighed.

“In the future, yes but not yet.”

She threw up twice before whispering, “I’m scared.”

Charlie kissed the side of Duffy’s head. “I know sweetheart, I know. I’m scared too but we’re going to be okay, I promise.”

“Go! Leave!”

She mumbled as she tried pushing him away but couldn’t, she didn’t have enough strength. Instead, she collapsed into his arms and proceeded to sob. He placed the sick bowl on the table, lay beside her and held her as she sobbed into his chest.

“Don’t want to die…” she mumbled.

“I know darling.” He reassured. After what seemed like forever, her sobs soon quietened and her breathing became softer, her hand gripping Charlie’s shirt tightly. Once she was eventually asleep, Charlie kissed her head and told her once again in a whisper.

“When it’s time for me to let you go and say goodbye, I will. I’ll help you die. But it’s not time yet darling, I’m sorry.”


End file.
